I finally cleaned out my room. I have a tendency of holding onto everything I feel has sentimental value- including essays, notes from a favorite class, club shirts, receipts from new cafe adventures. Some of these things I still refuse to let go (minus some irrelevant and on second thought crappy high school notes), but I took a second glance at my mountain of school shirts I've been saving as memories. Was I really going to haul a bunch of Beta Club and Science Olympiad shirts with me to college? Did I really need that many shirts as backup PJs? No. As I participated in clubs and volunteered at major events, the t-shirts I got were a major award to hold onto and literally wear. But now, I feel as if high school memorabilia has nothing on what college holds.
I won't say high school wasn't an enjoyable time. I definitely learned a lot and am super thankful for the crazy experiences I've had. I've matured slightly and met a variety of personalities; these things have built my values and it's impossible to not remember them. However, sometimes we need to let go of the past to make room for what the future holds. Cleaning out my room was a physical way of doing so, but I've been thinking about this "clearing out the past" on a more emotional level.
I've always been the type to ponder the "what if" statement. What if I actually moved to another school district at the start of high school? What if I got involved in sports instead of service? What if I didn't take this class or meet these people? I get caught up in imagining what life would be like in all of these alternate realities. But let me pause right there. I was once criticized and told that people who ponder these things aren't satisfied with their current lives. I slightly disagree. There's nothing wrong in imagining a different/better version of yourself. I said slightly disagree because perhaps I'm not satisfied with my current life. That doesn't mean I hate it. All it means is that I aspire to improve and make my life better.
Justifying my deep day dreams like so, I get caught up in thinking about the different routes my life could take. When I was younger, this game was super expansive- it started with what path I'd take in high school, lead to what college I'd end up in, then onto who I'd meet, what I'd do, and so forth. I'm still young, but I've already noted my game starting to not dwindle, but become more specific. High school happened, and my college is set. Who I meet and what I do is becoming less of a dream and more of an upcoming reality, and that freaks me out.
Mostly, I've been thinking about the interactions I have with others. The people we hang out with influence our decisions and they can truly control your good/bad memories. In addition, everyone's heading off in separate directions where they will meet their own new people and leave everything else in oblivion.
I literally pull -3.14159 boys per year, but there's so many potentially great relationships waiting to happen and it's so crazy that in the end, we end up with only one (hopefully) working out. This reality makes my mind tremble, for there's so many people I want to get closer to, but I know that after this summer, we'll be off meeting new people.
This is where people say "maybe it's not meant to be". It may be true, but I'll keep thinking about all that we could be. Leaving people behind feels like a crime sometimes, but our hearts cannot handle so many regrets at once. At some point, I need to stop looking back and just live full force in the present. I feel that once college starts, there won't be time to look back. If we do, we'll miss out on the magic happening right in front of our eyes. Of course, the past may hold some sparks waiting to ignite, but we must chose between the past and the present. It's scary to let go and move on.
I won't say high school wasn't an enjoyable time. I definitely learned a lot and am super thankful for the crazy experiences I've had. I've matured slightly and met a variety of personalities; these things have built my values and it's impossible to not remember them. However, sometimes we need to let go of the past to make room for what the future holds. Cleaning out my room was a physical way of doing so, but I've been thinking about this "clearing out the past" on a more emotional level.
I've always been the type to ponder the "what if" statement. What if I actually moved to another school district at the start of high school? What if I got involved in sports instead of service? What if I didn't take this class or meet these people? I get caught up in imagining what life would be like in all of these alternate realities. But let me pause right there. I was once criticized and told that people who ponder these things aren't satisfied with their current lives. I slightly disagree. There's nothing wrong in imagining a different/better version of yourself. I said slightly disagree because perhaps I'm not satisfied with my current life. That doesn't mean I hate it. All it means is that I aspire to improve and make my life better.
Justifying my deep day dreams like so, I get caught up in thinking about the different routes my life could take. When I was younger, this game was super expansive- it started with what path I'd take in high school, lead to what college I'd end up in, then onto who I'd meet, what I'd do, and so forth. I'm still young, but I've already noted my game starting to not dwindle, but become more specific. High school happened, and my college is set. Who I meet and what I do is becoming less of a dream and more of an upcoming reality, and that freaks me out.
Mostly, I've been thinking about the interactions I have with others. The people we hang out with influence our decisions and they can truly control your good/bad memories. In addition, everyone's heading off in separate directions where they will meet their own new people and leave everything else in oblivion.
I literally pull -3.14159 boys per year, but there's so many potentially great relationships waiting to happen and it's so crazy that in the end, we end up with only one (hopefully) working out. This reality makes my mind tremble, for there's so many people I want to get closer to, but I know that after this summer, we'll be off meeting new people.
This is where people say "maybe it's not meant to be". It may be true, but I'll keep thinking about all that we could be. Leaving people behind feels like a crime sometimes, but our hearts cannot handle so many regrets at once. At some point, I need to stop looking back and just live full force in the present. I feel that once college starts, there won't be time to look back. If we do, we'll miss out on the magic happening right in front of our eyes. Of course, the past may hold some sparks waiting to ignite, but we must chose between the past and the present. It's scary to let go and move on.
Sometimes the past revisits and sparks ignite when the time is right. I think you should update that number: -3.1459. Things have certainly changed since then.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness. I forgot I EVER posted this! wow. I didn't catch these comments. Was going through my writing drafts from 2016 and found this one.
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